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Letter "J" » Jack Handy Quotes
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«Laugh, clown, laugh. This is what I tell myself whenever I dress up like Bozo.»
«I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.»
«I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that's a documentary.»
Author: Jack Handy
(Writer)
| Keywords:
documentary, eagle, film, flying, fly fishing, lake, Lake of, pulls, swoop, swooped, swoops, the fish, worm
«One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with wooden stakes.»
«Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up»
Author: Jack Handy
(Writer)
| Keywords:
burn, burn up, Coming Home, shuttle, space, space shuttle, sticks
«Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?»
«I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground as she falls over, is like the top thing you can do.»
«It's interesting to think that my ancestors used to live in the trees, like apes, until finally they got the nerve to head out onto the plains, where some were probably hit by cars»
«As a young boy, when you get splashed by a mud puddle on the way to school, you wonder if you should go home and change, but be late for school, or go to school the way you are; dirty and soaking wet. Well, while he tried to decide, I drove by and splashed him again.»
«Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk freely, make my own meals, and even hurl large rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered that they were not Indians at all but only dirty-clothes hampers.»
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