How to Write an Essay the Procrastinator's Way With immaculate planning, reserve an entire afternoon for the greatest composition you will ever write. Neatly arrange all of your reference materials, and be proud of your superior organisational abilities. Put paper in your printer, all ready for the big essay you're about to start. Try to figure out just what percentage of a full-grown tree one sheet of paper represents. Try to back this up with …showed first 75 words of 694 total…

…showed last 75 words of 694 total…one, and you missed it. Check through all of the comics just to make sure. Ask the guys next door if you can borrow a bottle or two of paper-relevant beverages. Try to come up with an answer when they ask you what you're doing up so early. Look at the clock and say to yourself, "Good Lord! It's 4:00 am, and I'm only half done! But at least I have something to send to everyone!"